The last leg of summer is officially over, I fly out to Manila today to meet up with my dear friend Morten. He will be my travel companion for the next 4-5 months to come. I’ve been traveling alone all summer around SE Asia, and I’m looking forward to exploring else where than Asia. Traveling the world was a goal I set myself right before I graduated high school, telling everyone I knew, as soon as I graduate I will just leave and travel the world. Driving everyone a lot of crazy with all my talk of how I never felt like I belonged, that I wasn’t truly living the way I wanted. A lot of people thought I was crazy for wanting to leave, I thought they were crazy for wanting to stay. A part of me knows it’s also a reason why none of my relationships have lasted beyond 2-3 years. My soul is too restless, my heart is too wild, my sense of self too independent to be willing to share it with someone else. My ex asked me when we had been dating for a couple of months, if I wanted him to come along, I answered “This is something I’ve dreamed of doing since I was a little girl, but when I’m on the top of Mount Everest I would love to share it with someone else”. B, if you’re reading this, sorry but I lied. I didn’t really want to share that dream. But the heart wants what it wants. Eventually I tried to fit my dream into our lifestyle, when I say fit, I mean forcing us to become this travel couple. Whenever I would go to bed I would dream of traveling the world, but it was hard for me to imagine him, or anyone else for that matter, by my side. It was always me out there conquering the world, alone. Rather than just go follow my dream, I would turn our home upside down trying to change it, never being satisfied the way it was. This would drive him insane, causing a lot of fights. In the end of our relationship we had a conversation where I broke down in tears because I wasn’t happy staying in Oslo, expressing my fear that if I left, it would be the end of us. He promised he would stay, and I promised I wouldn’t leave. I felt chained down, not because of him, but because I was afraid of letting go. Deep down I think he always knew that I would never be satisfied with staying in one place, no matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise. 2 months later we finally came to the point where we no longer could pretend. It took longer for me to accept defeat. Even when our apartment was sold, I had trouble letting go. When it was time for me to leave, I felt like a caged bird that needed to spread her wings, not only to fly away but to soar through the skies. And that is exactly what I have been doing. Flying high in the sky, or in my case dive deep into the blue with turtles and sharks. My friends ask me when will I come home and my mom don’t think I will ever return. “I don’t know” is my honest answer, because I truly don’t know. Maybe next month, maybe never. I know I’m not the only one who’s had their relationship ruined unconsciously because of their restless soul. That’s why it’s so important that you follow that dream, you create a life for yourself before you give your heart away. I mean it’s great if you happen to meet someone who wants the exact same thing as you, and you are willing and happy to share it. Perhaps one day I will meet someone and settle down, get a normal job, have some kids and build that house with the white picked fence. Maybe I will end up like the bucket list family traveling the world with their 2 kids. Perhaps not. So dear friends and family, stop asking me when I will come home. I’m exactly where I want to be, perfectly happy in-between places.

Love, Chris.

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