Even though Bangkok seems to be my favourite city here in Thailand, it really isn’t. The only reason I like spending time here is because of family. These two months while I’ve been in Thailand, my grandmother has been to the hospital 3 times. Both my grandparents are old, and getting weaker by the day. My grandfather can barely get out of bed, and my grandma is visiting the hospital more and more frequently. She is still very sporty and active for her age, but with a loss of appetite and diabetes, she is struggling to keep the weight on. It’s hard to watch this strong beautiful woman who took care of me as a baby, become so fragile. Here in Thailand we don’t just put our elders in nursing homes, and hearing about all the stuff going on, I hope I never get to experience that myself.
In 3 days my Jainoo, what I call her in Thai, is going back to the hospital for more checkups, tests and lord knows what more. My Thai isn’t that diverse to the extent that I can understand medical terms, I can’t read and write in Thai, and this is setting me back a little. So I’ve decided to learn three things the next years to come.
- To read and write in Thai
- Become fluent in Spanish (I better be as I am planning to travel South America for a year)
- Learn sign language
When I was staying in a hostel in Chiangmai before the Elephant park, I met this deaf guy who taught me to say My name is Christine, in ASL (American sign language). I’ve thought about learning it many times before, but always had an excuse to why I can’t do it right now. With so many other things I’ve wanted to do here in life, I kept shoving them further down the list, making my bucket list never ending. But ever since I started this journey, not only do I do everything I said I would, but I also like myself better. I genuinely feel like a better person, a more true version of myself. When I’m alone in Bangkok just hanging out with my grandparents, I have so much time to reflect about my past, my feelings, my thoughts and dreams for the future. I can reflect upon my previous actions, my previous relationship with a clear mind. Not fogged by all the emotions that comes with breakups and hurt feelings. When my relationship with my ex fiancé ended I was devastated. My mind was spinning, and I couldn’t find peace anywhere. There was so much going through my mind. Where do I go? What do I do now? Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong? How can I make him love me again? All these desperate, but very real all consuming thoughts, didn’t go away until after I left Norway. I truly needed that ocean between us to not only come to terms with everything, but to understand the meaning behind the action each of us took. The greatest lesson I think I finally learned is to let go of my anger, regrets, resentment and my bitterness. Finally I understood that the actions of a person is merely a reflection of how someone sees themselves. The actions have more to do with themselves, than with you as a person. But you know, as corny as it sounds, never a failure, always a lesson, is very true. And for those wondering, we are still good friends to this day despite everything that happened. After all he is the only one I trust to look after my fur baby while I’m out conquering the world 🙂